“These are the journeys (masei) of the children of Israel who left the land of Egypt in their legions, under the charge of Moses and Aaron.”
אֵ֜לֶּה מַסְעֵ֣י בְנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֗ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר יָֽצְא֛וּ מֵאֶ֥רֶץ מִצְרַ֖יִם לְצִבְאֹתָ֑ם בְּיַד־משֶׁ֖ה וְאַֽהֲרֹֽן:
“Moses recorded their starting points for their journeys according to the word of the Lord, and these were their journeys with their starting points.”
וַיִּכְתֹּ֨ב משֶׁ֜ה אֶת־מוֹצָֽאֵיהֶ֛ם לְמַסְעֵיהֶ֖ם עַל־פִּ֣י יְהֹוָ֑ה וְאֵ֥לֶּה מַסְעֵיהֶ֖ם לְמוֹצָֽאֵיהֶֽם:
Parashat Masei opens on a recap: One more in the recounting of Bnei Israel’s journey through the desert.
As we open chapter 33 of Bamidbar, getting ready to close the Book of our journey “In the Desert” with the parasha that recapitulates it, we know we are both still in the desert, still in transition, and, even if it doesn’t feel like such at times, still in movement.
In that respect the Desert is an accurate allegory for “Life”:
a space of possibilities and growth, a space where we can stay stuck or move fast, a space, no matter what we do with it, in which we keep dwelling as long as we are alive. A space of dwelling and a place of transition.
So it goes with life: a passage.
Some of us are closer to the beginning, some of us closer to the end.
Some of us feel spacious and excited about the range of possibilities that feel open before us, some of us anxious in front of what feels like an absence of choice and closed horizons.But whether we like it or not, we are on a path.
And in it, there seems to be a paradox:
On the one hand, we know that we are, deep at heart, “whole”, “perfect” as we are.We know that ultimately, there is nowhere to go and nothing seek, that all is (in) there already and that all we need is to clear the layers (klipot in jewish mystical terms) that veil from us the clarity of the wholesomeness of our beings. But on the other hand, we also know that we still have some way to go.
In fact, this is why our soul (neshama) came down on this planet, in this body, for: on a mystical level, she came down to do her own tikkun (fixing, repair).
We are, indeed, on a journey. How do we explain the paradox?
In his commentary of Parashat Masei, the Mei Ha Shiloach helps us make sense of it.To do so he points to the strange formulation of the second verse of the parasha:
ויכתב משה את מוצאיהם למסעיהם על פי ה' ואלה מסעיהם למוצאיהם
And Moshe wrote the departures of their journeys according to God, and these are their journeys according to their departures.” (Bamidbar, 33:2)
There seems to be a contradiction in terms here: how do our journeys unfold? According to God? Or according to our own “starting points”?
The Ishbitze rebbe’s answer is very talmudic, and very zen at the same time: “both.”
On the root level, he says, ultimately, our journeys are divinely guided. They are already, ultimately good.
But explaining the second part of the verse, he adds:
מצד האדם הוא שקונה לו טובה ע"י מעשיו ונסיונות
“From the human perspective, one acquires goodness by means of one’s actions and trials.”
Even if all is already ultimately good and divinely guided, on the level of our own lived experience, our journey will be designed by our life’s experiences- both the things we do, and the things that happen to us.
And what matters is to remember both: on the one hand, that on the surface level of our experience, agency is real. Yes, Hasidut reminds us, growth possible: the trials and challenges we go through can make us better.
And on the other hand, deep inside, all is already, ultimately, “good” (that is, connected to the divine essence).
This teaching is aptly summarize in this beautiful Mishna which I seem to keep coming back to (Abot 3.16)
הַכֹּל צָפוּי, וְהָרְשׁוּת נְתוּנָה
Everything is foreseen yet agency is granted
Today as I am writing on the eve of shabbat mevarechim, the shabbat in which we will bless the upcoming month of Av, I am very aware of these two faces of the Desert of Life. Today, Jews in Israel and in the world are definitely feeling that a new step has been reached in the post-October 7 War Journey that we are all, whether we want it or not, steeped in.Just like in the Desert, some of it feels desperately still- stuck.
Such feels the situation for the 120 hostages presumably still alive in Hamas’ captivity.
And some of it feels like a new step- leading to a possible new escalation. Just a couple of days ago, Hamas’ Political was killed in a targeted operation in Teheran. This was just days after the killing in Beirut of one of Hezbollah’s senior commanders after a missile fell on a playground in North Israel and killed twelve druze kids (for whoever forgot about Israel’s de facto religio-cultural diversity.)
So much action sometimes in the desert.
And this makes the stillness of the Hostages’ situation feel even more painfully stale.
With that pain we live with like a heavy stone on the heart, after these new developments in this agonizing regional war, people here in Israel have been bracing for new missiles over their heads in the past few nights.
We don’t know when, we don’t know how, we don’t know how far.
We just know we are here. And we are here together, for better or for worse.
And just like in the desert, sometimes a wild plant or an oasis suddenly appears and gives us hope.
Such felt the news of the release last night of three American hostages held in Russia, among them journalist Evan Gershkovich.
Today, right before entering the therapeutic roller coaster of the month of Av- a true descent before a new ascent, is an invitation to hold both the relief and the pain, the fear and the hope.
Today I hear the Mei haShiloach whispering to us again, and once again he helps me make sense of this world and of this war. And here what he says: "both".
The journey is already good. And it is up to make it so.
Always inspiring, thank you.